Think about it: Why didn’t you meet the deadline? Why were you late? Why did you say that in the meeting? Sound familiar? And how often do those questions actually lead to improvement? Rarely, right? Here's why: The 3 Big reasons the “Why” question is useless It assumes we’re robots. When you ask someone “Why did you do that?” it implies there’s a clear, rational answer — as if people calculate each move like a machine. But according to research (see Daniel Kahneman), we’re making decisions before we’re even aware of them. So if someone gives you a neat answer to "Why?", it’s usually just that — a neat answer. It triggers fake responses. Most people hate looking clueless. So, when you hit them with “Why?”, they’ll give you an answer, any answer, just to keep face. And that answer? It’s likely not the real reason. It’s a trap for defensiveness. When we ask “Why?”, especially in the heat of frustration, people feel judged. That makes them defensive. They shut down, and we lose any chance of authentic change. It keeps us stuck in the past. Even if you get a good answer, you’re just reliving past behaviours. It locks you into focusing on what’s already happened, instead of what could be. If all that resonates with you, you’ll appreciate an effective alternative — one that turns this stale thinking on its head. What works instead? At the Dino Institute, we take a forward-focused approach to behaviour. Instead of playing detective about the past, we look at how to create change in the now and for the future. It’s about meeting people where they are — and recognizing that human behaviour isn’t some rigid set of causes and effects. People aren’t machines. They’re driven by a complex mix of intention, habits, and subconscious cues. So, instead of “Why?”, we ask: • How can we improve? • How will we know we’re improving? A method roven to enable real change Our approach, inspired by pioneers Steve De Shazer and Insoo Kim-Berg, is solution-oriented and grounded in respect for what makes people human. It’s simple, powerful, and adaptable. This method is built on key principles: 1. Change is constant. The fix that worked yesterday may not work tomorrow. We focus on progress, not perfection. 2. You don’t need to dissect every problem. Real solutions can emerge without picking apart every issue. 3. Solutions often come from unexpected places. And they’re often simpler than you think. 4. Small steps lead to big gains. Even a tiny improvement can drive massive shifts over time. 5. Focus on what works. Forget the mistakes. Amplify the wins. Embodied Solutions in Action: Real Case Take a recent client of ours. She came to us wanting to be more assertive in negotiations. But after asking the right questions, we discovered what she really wanted was confidence — the kind that brings her ideas to the table in the moment, instead of after the meeting is over. So, we focused not just on “assertiveness” but on what happens to her physically in high-stakes moments that blocks her voice. With a tailored, embodied approach, she walked out not just feeling more effective in negotiations but without even touching on assertiveness drills. Try Our Approach – For Free Ready to see how this could work for you? Book a completely free 30-minute consultation. Bring us one question, one challenge — and experience first-hand how an embodied, solution-focused approach can elevate your team, your relationships, and the impact you make every day. Let’s work on how to make real change happen — without the useless Why.